Things that help me as a stay-at-home mom with depression

I've always loved being out of the house and being busy in my days. In fact, one of the quickest ways to know if I'm feeling severely depressed is usually I stay home and don't do a whole lot. Those are usually my darkest times. So it was a bit of a blow to me when Micah was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease and I realized it would be longer than I anticipated before I returned to school and work. 

It can be hard to keep afloat in the midst of depression as a stay-at-home mom. I've often felt overwhelmed and trapped staying home. Where I used to want to stay out until I absolutely had to be home, I find myself not having the energy to go out much even if I could. There are some things that have helped me mold my environment to my needs, however, and I thought I would share them. 

1. Make time to take care of yourself. This is advice you'll receive a lot, but it's important to actually take it to heart. As a mom I find myself putting myself on the bottom to the totem pole all the time. I've put my family above my own health frequently. A couple times that stand out to me have been times my son has been hospitalized. I went to the NICU every day for a month from 8 am until almost 9 at night. Since I had just given birth this was especially hard on my body and I became ill and worn out. Another time was when he was 4 months old and I slept every night at the hospital as well as spending the days there. I ended up very sick and having to go home one night, much to my displeasure. When I got back the nurses told me they had been very worried about me and could see I was pushing myself too hard. 

I should have realized that part of taking care of my family meant taking care of my emotional and physical well being. You simply can't be the mother and wife you want to be when you aren't at your best. Now I take a little bit of time every day for myself. Whether it be taking a long bath, working out, painting my nails or simply taking a little while to lay down and watch a show I do make sure to take it for myself. It's amazing how much it boosts my mood to even just get ready every day. 

2. Make a schedule. I've found that I thrive when I have structure. What this looks like in my life is having a schedule and to do lists. If I can see on paper what I need to get done in the day it really helps me to achieve it. It feels great to cross things off my list. Even more than that I enjoy having a schedule I can count on every day. I like to plan ahead, and if things are last minute or changed for some reason I am more prone to anxiety. 

This isn't to say you shouldn't be flexible. As a mom it's important to know that things don't always go as planned. A schedule just helps give me a little bit of security and to ensure I allow myself time to do things I enjoy as well as chores I need done. It also helps me be more motivated during the day and keep busy. Keeping busy is one way I keep myself from getting too stuck inside of my own head. 

3. Don't isolate yourself. I struggle with this one a lot. It's easy as a stay-at-home mom to keep to yourself. This only fuels the feelings of being trapped and lonely, though. Something that helps me is to try getting together with friends that I have similar interests with. Whether it's setting a play date for us and our kids, or going to the park with Micah and their dog it gets us out of the house and allows for socialization. It's currently one of my goals to try to meet more friends my age to get together with. Never stop trying to branch out and meet new people to enrich your life. 

4. Know that you are doing something incredibly important. Being a stay-at-home mom often makes me feel useless. I feel like I'm not contributing to our household, especially when I see bills. I feel badly using the money I feel I didn't earn. We need to remind ourselves that not only are we contributing to our family, we are building our homes and our children. We give our husbands a place to come home to and we have the opportunity to raise our children each and every day. We know the most about our kids and what is best for them. I have a deep respect for working mothers and how they juggle so many responsibilities, I often wish I was working, but it is also important to realize that we are contributing as well.

5. Know you are not alone in these feelings. In reading other blogs and joining in on mothering forums the biggest comfort I have received is the realization that I am not the only one feeling this way. There is no need to resent yourself for feeling this way, it's completely normal. Try joining a group for moms online, or even just talking to other moms you know.