Awkward Mommy Encounters

The text came in at approximately 10:30 on a Friday morning.

     Hey so we're going to the park with some other mom's around noon if you and Micah want to come.

This is what I had been looking for. My chance at getting into the group of moms from around the neighborhood (a must if I ever wanted Micah to be invited for play dates and make friends). Now to respond. Don't sound too excited or weird....

    Awesome :) sounds fun!

I got ready, wearing a flattering shirt and pants.... not that I was trying too hard or anything. Right before leaving I also made sure to drag a comb through Micah's hair, he always has a patch in the back that sticks straight up no matter what I do. We leave ten minutes before noon to be sure at be there right on time.

When we arrive I only see one mom there, I assume the others are late. I don't recognize this mom, but usually the park is vacant so she must be here for the same group. I sit next to her while Micah runs off to play.

"It's great that we can get together like this. Usually nobody is here so I wonder if there's something wrong with this park and I'm the only one who doesn't know... hopefully we can get the kids together more often!"

She walks away. She wasn't part of the group and had no idea what I was talking about.

Ten minutes after noon nobody has arrived, and even the other mom who was there had gathered her kids up, her eyes darting nervously in my direction, and left. I decide I must be at the wrong park, I should really hurry to the other one near our neighborhood. I really should have asked which park....

I get about 3/4 of the way there when I see it. Moms on parade is headed my direction, looking amazing in their designer yoga pants and their high end jogging strollers. They've just spotted me. I quickly turn around and act as though I had been walking that way the whole time. Maybe they didn't see me. I hear them calling my name, but pretend I didn't hear. Acting as though I wasn't the most awkward human being on the earth I arrive at the park (once again) and casually pretend to just now be noticing them.

I feel like the biggest derp on the planet and text my husband.

    Aaaand I went full awkward turtle.
    This is why I'm not invited places! THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!
    They know I'm not one of them! Abort mission!

My husband is still laughing hysterically at these....

I walk over to my friend, the one who had invited me. We talk about the kids and that goes well. I then notice that I hadn't gotten the message that this was a picnic lunch thing.... I spend the next half hour chasing after my son (whom I had fed before we left home) who was running from kid to kid trying to beg cookies off of them. He was putting all of his energy into this begging - even I was starting to believe I starved him (I don't)!

This is about when I decide I should call it a day and leave before I make a bigger fool of myself. As I'm leaving one of the other moms is very nice, making small talk and saying goodbye. Don't be weird.... don't be weird....

Oops, too late. I notice I'm petting my son like a dog while I'm talking to her.

Stop! Stop petting him! People are giving you weird looks, oh why can't I stop?!

Finally I leave.

I don't think I'll be invited anymore.