The Waiting Game

I hate waiting for this surgery. I really do, I hate it. It consumes everything I do throughout the day now that it's getting closer. Every time Micah eats I wonder if he's eating enough, or if he'll lose weight before the surgery. Every time he cries I hope he doesn't cry hard enough to push his stoma out further. Every time he screams I wonder if he's in pain from teething or if there's something more going on that will make recovery harder for him. If his poop smells different I wonder if it's his C Diff coming back, and I wonder if it will turn to septic shock this time.

I wonder if I'm handing my baby over, and if when I kiss him before the surgery if I'll see him alive again. The risks are small, but they're there and they scare me. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing putting my son through this surgery, and if it would be better to just keep his colostomy at least until he's a little older. I hope thing's don't go wrong in surgery, I hope they don't find out that the Hirschsprung's goes further up than we thought, and I hope that this will be the start of a more normal life for him. But I wonder if it will.

Since I found out Micah had Hirschsprung's I have committed myself to finding a way of life that will help him in this life, ways I can make it better for him. I think any mom would do the same, and I've spoken to many that have done that. I make homemade baby food specifically designed to meet his needs, and we add an extra scoop of powder to his formula. We've changed our lifestyle and barely leave the house with him, and the few times we do leave the house to go into public with him it's to see family and we try not to let many people hold him because we fear the infections he gets.

We do so much trying to make Micah's life pain free, safe, and normal. Not all of our family agrees with everything we do and a lot of times it means them missing out on seeing him all of the time. But we do everything we do hoping to give him a good life.

I just hope that this surgery fits in with our goals in a normal happy life. And, the times when his life isn't normal, I hope it's special and wonderful. I hope this for my son, just like any mother would.