DIY wolf tail

I have a little sister (age 11) who is in love with all things animals. She is always making animal things to wear, so of course I had to try this craft with her! I'm having her do most of it, with my help, to get a good idea of how ideal it would be as an activity with kids.

 Materials Needed

     Yarn of your choice

     A comb, brush, or pet brush

     Scissors 

     A chain or clip you can use to attach to your pants

     A straightener 

Step One:

   First you're going to measure out how long you want your tail to be and then double back on that length, without cutting the yarn, until you have 12 pieces. 

Step Two:

  Cut the string connecting your loops to your ball of yarn, and then tie your loops together at one end. On the opposite end cut the end of your loops to make it possible to braid. 

Step Three:

  Braid your yarn, leaving enough room at the end to tie it at the end. 

Step Four:

  Comb out the end of the yarn until it looks like this. 

Step Five: 

  Wrap yarn around your hand until you've done 12 loops loosely around your fingers. Cut the string, and then tie a smaller strand of string connecting all of your loops. 

Step Six: 

  Cut the opposite end of your loops. 

Step Seven: 

  Comb out the strands. They're going to be curly, which leads us to....

Step Eight:

  Using a straightener set to a moderate heat, straighten out your yarn. Brush it out again after this step. 

Step Nine: 

  Tie the yarn at the top of this piece to the bottom of your braided yarn. 

Step Ten: 

  Repeat this process until your braided section is covered. 

Step Eleven: 

  When you reach the top, attach your chain.

And Enjoy!!!!

Thoughts: The process took about four hours in total. We didn't do it all at once, and even though it took quite a while she enjoyed all of it. I would say this craft is for preteens with a lot of patience, teenagers, and adults. This would be something enjoyable to do while watching TV or having family time. She is in love with her new tail! We would do this again. 

Is the CDC sending the wrong message?

This afternoon while watching a show online a commercial came on. This commercial was the newest in a long line of commercials the CDC puts out about the dangers of smoking. At first I didn't pay close attention, but then something caught my attention. The woman in the commercial began talking about stomach problems caused by her smoking. It was then found that she had a tumor and needed some of her colon removed, resulting in her need for a colostomy. She speaks of how having a colostomy means loss of control, smelling bad, and the need to hide away at home giving up a normal life. 

Now, I understand where she is coming from saying these things, I really do. As the daughter of an amazing woman with two stomas, and the mother of a Hirschsprung's baby who needed a colostomy for four months I have witnessed the toll it can take on everyday living. However, is this really the message I want shown to my son who may, one day, decide to return to having an ostomy because of the digestive problems that come with his disease? I have such mixed feelings on this commercial, and here is why.

1. The message it sends to those with an ostomy. When my son grows older he may decide to return to having an ostomy. He has Long Segment Hirschsprung's Disease and has battled many digestive problems and infections that it comes with. IF he does choose to live with an ostomy I don't want him to feel as though he is being punished for being different. I also don't want him feeling as if he should be hidden away from society. My mom struggles a lot with her self confidence as a direct result of having her ostomies. She doesn't like to go outside, and when she does she worries constantly about the appearance and smell of them. She lived a very healthy and active life before getting sick, never once smoking a cigarette. One thing that has helped her is the normalizing of these conditions in media and society. The message that helps her, and the one that I would want my son growing up hearing, is not one of shame. It's one of empowerment and normality when it comes to having an ostomy! The stories I love seeing are ones of athletes competing with an ostomy, and ones of people having succeeded in creating a normal life for themselves. While I understand the downsides to having a colostomy bag, do we really need to send the message to children who will have them their entire lives that it means they are smelly and not socially acceptable? 

2. It gives a wrong view of what living with an ostomy looks like. I disagree with the view it gives into living with an ostomy. For this part of my post I would just like to share some pictures of what my family's experience with having them be a part of our lives has looked like. 

The goal is not to focus on the negative when it comes to these conditions, the goal is to tell the world that nothing will hold them back! The goal isn't to make them seem disgusting, it's to show that these are normal people and their disease (ostomy included) is only a small part of who they are. Having a stoma is not only a life saving measure to some people, but a way to make their lives more normal! Sometimes a disease is so bad that having a colostomy can allow them to live their lives in a normal and relatively pain free way. 

3. It's a set back in the education regarding stomas. The things I have posted about above are not represented in the commercial. What the commercial shows is not what many of those dealing with an ostomy, or their family members, want you to know. The kids going to school with these, especially, just want you to know that they are just like everybody else. They are strong and playful, and it is harmful to them when the message their classmates have been given catagorizes them as different and smelly. The ostomy community has worked hard recently with such campaigns as 'Shit Happens' to bring attention to the amazing aspects of those living with an ostomy. It's a really sad fact that some people will be basing their opinions of ostomy-life on this commercial. 

To sign a petition to remove this commercial please click here: https://www.change.org/p/centers-for-disease-control-and-prevention-remove-tobacco-colon-cancer-advertisement?recruiter=5323677&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_facebook_responsive&utm_term=mob-xs-share_petition-custom_msg

My fitness journey

I've struggled with weight my entire life. I was overweight a good share of my childhood and early teen years, suddenly swinging in the other direction the summer before high school when I became anorexic. Years later during my recovery I realized how much damage I had done to my metabolism when I got into a relationship with my now husband and stopped starving myself. 

With the support of Urian I began to eat healthy amounts again. I ate fairly healthy, and while I didn't eat a ton I did eat several times a day without purging. I was so happy, and by the time he proposed in the winter I was the weight my doctors had suggested for me. I wasn't skinny anymore, but I was a healthy weight and I felt comfortable with that. When I went wedding dress shopping I fell in love with a simple, yet beautiful, dress. I was slightly smaller than the sample size it came in and was able to buy it off the rack. I had never felt more beautiful. 

Over the next few months I didn't even notice when my weight gain continued. I was eating healthy and working out, so I suppose I just didn't expect it. I only noticed when my clothes were no longer fitting well, and that's when I started feeling distressed. It was only a few months before my summer wedding at this point and the weight was refusing to come off. I struggled to continue eating healthy as I realized it would take some time before my body was back to normal and healed from my eating disorders. I almost relapsed thinking it was the only way to get my body back. The only thing that kept me from that was the knowledge that there may not be a wedding if I relapsed. 

My wedding day wasn't spent feeling beautiful and loved. I was too busy feeling embarrassed and depressed. Years later I still can't look at my wedding pictures without mourning the way I felt it should have been. I hate those pictures of me. I promised myself that some day I would lose the weight and we would have a vow renewal where I felt beautiful. A day I would be able to actually enjoy. 

Soon after that we found out I was pregnant. At first I was very depressed about it, only able to think of how much weight I was going to gain and how I would get even uglier. I did end up getting excited about being a mommy, but I continued to feel depressed about my body for the entirety of my pregnancy. I gained 20 pounds while pregnant, and I had actually lost that two weeks after giving birth. 

In becoming a mom I stopped taking care of myself almost completely. I did shower, but I didn't pay attention to my hair and I dressed only in sweats and baggy shirts. I had almost no self esteem, and in trying to distract myself from my depression and self hate I decided to pretty much just forget about myself. I didn't enjoy life at all, and after about 18 months it became clear to me that being this way was impairing the way I mothered and stopped me from being a good wife. I needed to make a change.

My change started with paying attention to the way I looked. I got a hair cut and started wearing real clothes again. I even did my makeup some days! I felt an incredible change when I started doing this, and decided to move on to the next step. I added exercise into my daily routine and the weight started coming off faster than I expected! My body had healed a lot since before my wedding,  and I felt hope again. I started feeling alive again instead of just existing. 

People I knew noticed a big difference in me, and it wasn't just my weight loss they noticed. I was told how much happier I looked, that they noticed a glow in me. Whats more is that I felt the change! I had more energy and my mood was lighter - I felt happier! 

So far I've lost about 60 pounds, and I'm not finished yet. While I'm still not at my goal, I'm not in a big hurry to finish. This is a lifestyle change I have committed to, not simply a diet. I do my best to eat as healthy as I can, and I focus on portion control. I haven't really eliminated foods from my life, I just use self control in how much of it I eat. I also enjoy exploring new and healthier foods. I found out that I really like green smoothies, almonds and vegetables! I find myself craving the healthy foods more than the unhealthy. 

I have found that it's incredibly triggering to lose weight, and I have a hard time knowing the difference between what is healthy and what isn't. I lean heavily on my doctors to let me know what weight would be healthy for my body instead of making weight goals myself. I weigh myself almost daily, and have found myself skipping meals once in a while. It's still a bit of a war between myself and my eating disorder - but it's one that I am determined to win! My goal used to be to be as small as possible, no matter what the health consequences. Now I'm working towards strength and being healthy! It's an amazing difference, and something that makes me happy. 

This is simply the beginning of my fitness journey, the first chapter that will shed light and understanding on my next posts on this subject.  I look forward to sharing this with you all!

Cleaning kitchen knives with lemon juice?

I heard about cleaning my knives with lemon juice while on a walk with a friend. She had never tried it herself which got me curious to experiment to see if it would actually work.

1. I filled a cup with lemon juice. Find a cup tall enough for your knives. I didn't have enough lemon juice to completely cover my knives, but I figured for this experiment this would be enough. 

2. Soak your knives for 5 - 10 minutes. To get the best results possible I soaked mine for 10. 

3. Scrub your knives with a scouring pad. 

Results: While this did remove some rust and brightened the knives, it was not a miracle worker. I scrubbed hard to get the results that I did. I would say that it's still worth it to remove what it does, just don't expect your knives to be looking like new again. 

It's in the little moments.

"A good life is a collection of

happy moments"

- Denis Waitley

As I looked down at my son in his crib this afternoon, watching him try to think up reasons to stall nap time, I was overcome with love for this ridiculous little guy. Once again I fell a little bit more in love with him during this simplest of times. He looked up at me while I stroked his hair, and when it looked like I was going to tell him goodnight and walk away he would quickly ask for kisses, or just say "Mamma!". This happens almost every time I put him down to sleep, yet it always fills me with the warmest of feelings. 

One of my favorite things about times like this is the power it has to change what emotions I'm feeling. The second I stare down into those eyes I can go from being worn out and frustrated at having just dealt with a temper tantrum of his, to feeling like the luckiest mom in the world. This happens many times during each day, the smallest of things that will remind me of the reasons I love him and why I do the things I do. Things that make everything worth it. The list may change day to day, but here are a few that standout to me since I became a mom two years ago.

1. Crying happy tears with my husband after he was born. They held him up for me to see for the very first time, laying him on my chest. I looked over all of his features, trying to memorize them, as quickly as I could knowing that the nursery nurses would be taking him from me too soon. After less than a minute they picked him up and rushed him over to their station that had been set up in our room. I realized I was shaking and crying, feeling the most overpowering sense of love I had ever felt in my life. I looked up at my husband who stood by my side, holding my hand. It was only then that I saw him wiping away tears. This moment shared between the two of us, the moment where we fell in love with our son, will forever be one of my favorite memories. 

2. Coming home to him. Or really any time where he sees me after any amount of seperation. No matter how long it was that we were apart, seriously even if it was just a car ride where I didn't sit next to him, he is always so ecstatic to see me. Every morning when I open his door he acts as though I'm Santa Clause! He screams my name in joy as I go to pick him up, laughing and hugging me. It's as though every time he's surprised and relieved to see me. If I ever doubt that I mean something to the world all I would need to do is get welcomed home by my son. 

3. When kisses make it all better. This kid falls several times a day, sorry for passing that gene on to you, and while most of the time he brushes it off without a second thought there are times he either gets scared or hurt. Those times when he begins to cry and I rush over to scoop him up, he holds on tight to me. I almost always remember that ouchies need kisses, but in the rare instances I forget he looks up at me with complete trust telling me 'Kisses! Kisses!' and he'll lift wherever is hurt for me to kiss. And then, just like that, he's ready to play again. Magic!

4. Wanting to show me everything. This is a bit of a double edged sword. On one side it's completely exhausting and time consuming. However, if I let myself really live in the moment and try to see the world through his eyes.... those are some of the best times. Having a toddler has meant rediscovering the world I thought I knew. It's looking at every rock, airplane, and flower like it's the most amazing wonder there has ever been. If I let myself slow down and really be with him in these moments the world becomes a more beautiful place. 

Micah's Sesame Street Party!

When we began to plan Micah's second birthday it wasn't hard to decide on the theme. This kid is obsessed with all things Sesame Street. I wanted the party to be a good balance between his eyes lighting up when he saw it, and simple and laid back. Judging by the look on his face when he came up the stairs, I'd say we did a pretty good job!

I had to look pretty hard for what I wanted for his outfit, but I'm very happy with what I found! The suspenders and bow tie he wore came from Etsy ( https://www.etsy.com/listing/179379617/elmo-bow-tie-and-red-suspenders-or ). We got countless compliments on them, and tons of adorable pictures! My concern was that he wouldn't want to keep them on all during the party, but he was having so much fun he didn't pay them any attention.

I probably spent the most time on the Micah Street sign, but it was well worth it. I simply flattened a cardboard box and sketched out the shapes for the sign. I did it in four pieces, which I later glued together. The pieces are the circle on top, the oval under it, the pole, the base and the Micah sign itself. I used a pencil, ruler, a box cutter and two different sized bowls (for getting the circular shapes right). The parts that probably took the most time was tracing his name on and the actual painting. I also had my sister use chalk to draw muppet footprints leading up to the steps (and since she's eleven she had fun doing it). Now that the party is over we hung the sign on his door!

We used to fireplace to do most of the decorating. We didn't want to spend a lot of money, so we made a lot of the decorations. The character banner was a free printable I found which I taped to ribbon. I used a free online photo editor to make the Micah is 2 picture. The ones he probably most enjoyed were the cookie monster and elmo paper fans. We printed off the faces and glued them onto paper fans we purchased at walmart. To add more decorations we pretty much gathered every sesame street book and toy to use as decorations.

Cookie Monster face: http://teezeria.com/images/designs/395img_20.png

Elmo face: http://teezeria.com/images/designs/396img_24.png

Character Face banner: http://printablepartyshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/party-circles-characters-colorblocks-printablepartyshop.jpg

For this Elmo birthday banner I found a free printable download. I punched holes on each side of the pieces and used those to tie bows on them I also used the ribbon to connect all of the pieces. 

Elmo banner: http://halegrafx.com/printables/free-printable-elmo-sesame-street-birthday-banner/

We got his birthday cake from Dick's Marketplace, and honestly it's even better than I described to them. It's white cake with whipped frosting, and they used mini m&m's to put all around the sides and decorate the top. I love everything about it, and now the cars on top are some of Micah's favorite toys!

We used more toys to put on the table for decoration. We had a BBQ and served hot dogs, burgers, chips, guacamole, french onion soup dip, grapes and water. I found more printables to put on the water bottles and use as napkin rings. The napkin rings are actually more water bottle labels that I simply printed in a smaller size to use. We bought the napkins, plates and table cloth from Shopko. 

Water Bottle Labels: http://printablepartyshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/water-bottle-wrappers-2-characters-sesamestreet-printablepartyshop.jpg

Water bottle labels I used as napkin rings: http://halegrafx.com/printables/free-printable-elmo-sesame-street-water-bottle-labels/

Things that help me as a stay-at-home mom with depression

I've always loved being out of the house and being busy in my days. In fact, one of the quickest ways to know if I'm feeling severely depressed is usually I stay home and don't do a whole lot. Those are usually my darkest times. So it was a bit of a blow to me when Micah was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease and I realized it would be longer than I anticipated before I returned to school and work. 

It can be hard to keep afloat in the midst of depression as a stay-at-home mom. I've often felt overwhelmed and trapped staying home. Where I used to want to stay out until I absolutely had to be home, I find myself not having the energy to go out much even if I could. There are some things that have helped me mold my environment to my needs, however, and I thought I would share them. 

1. Make time to take care of yourself. This is advice you'll receive a lot, but it's important to actually take it to heart. As a mom I find myself putting myself on the bottom to the totem pole all the time. I've put my family above my own health frequently. A couple times that stand out to me have been times my son has been hospitalized. I went to the NICU every day for a month from 8 am until almost 9 at night. Since I had just given birth this was especially hard on my body and I became ill and worn out. Another time was when he was 4 months old and I slept every night at the hospital as well as spending the days there. I ended up very sick and having to go home one night, much to my displeasure. When I got back the nurses told me they had been very worried about me and could see I was pushing myself too hard. 

I should have realized that part of taking care of my family meant taking care of my emotional and physical well being. You simply can't be the mother and wife you want to be when you aren't at your best. Now I take a little bit of time every day for myself. Whether it be taking a long bath, working out, painting my nails or simply taking a little while to lay down and watch a show I do make sure to take it for myself. It's amazing how much it boosts my mood to even just get ready every day. 

2. Make a schedule. I've found that I thrive when I have structure. What this looks like in my life is having a schedule and to do lists. If I can see on paper what I need to get done in the day it really helps me to achieve it. It feels great to cross things off my list. Even more than that I enjoy having a schedule I can count on every day. I like to plan ahead, and if things are last minute or changed for some reason I am more prone to anxiety. 

This isn't to say you shouldn't be flexible. As a mom it's important to know that things don't always go as planned. A schedule just helps give me a little bit of security and to ensure I allow myself time to do things I enjoy as well as chores I need done. It also helps me be more motivated during the day and keep busy. Keeping busy is one way I keep myself from getting too stuck inside of my own head. 

3. Don't isolate yourself. I struggle with this one a lot. It's easy as a stay-at-home mom to keep to yourself. This only fuels the feelings of being trapped and lonely, though. Something that helps me is to try getting together with friends that I have similar interests with. Whether it's setting a play date for us and our kids, or going to the park with Micah and their dog it gets us out of the house and allows for socialization. It's currently one of my goals to try to meet more friends my age to get together with. Never stop trying to branch out and meet new people to enrich your life. 

4. Know that you are doing something incredibly important. Being a stay-at-home mom often makes me feel useless. I feel like I'm not contributing to our household, especially when I see bills. I feel badly using the money I feel I didn't earn. We need to remind ourselves that not only are we contributing to our family, we are building our homes and our children. We give our husbands a place to come home to and we have the opportunity to raise our children each and every day. We know the most about our kids and what is best for them. I have a deep respect for working mothers and how they juggle so many responsibilities, I often wish I was working, but it is also important to realize that we are contributing as well.

5. Know you are not alone in these feelings. In reading other blogs and joining in on mothering forums the biggest comfort I have received is the realization that I am not the only one feeling this way. There is no need to resent yourself for feeling this way, it's completely normal. Try joining a group for moms online, or even just talking to other moms you know.