Micah's Sesame Street Party!

When we began to plan Micah's second birthday it wasn't hard to decide on the theme. This kid is obsessed with all things Sesame Street. I wanted the party to be a good balance between his eyes lighting up when he saw it, and simple and laid back. Judging by the look on his face when he came up the stairs, I'd say we did a pretty good job!

I had to look pretty hard for what I wanted for his outfit, but I'm very happy with what I found! The suspenders and bow tie he wore came from Etsy ( https://www.etsy.com/listing/179379617/elmo-bow-tie-and-red-suspenders-or ). We got countless compliments on them, and tons of adorable pictures! My concern was that he wouldn't want to keep them on all during the party, but he was having so much fun he didn't pay them any attention.

I probably spent the most time on the Micah Street sign, but it was well worth it. I simply flattened a cardboard box and sketched out the shapes for the sign. I did it in four pieces, which I later glued together. The pieces are the circle on top, the oval under it, the pole, the base and the Micah sign itself. I used a pencil, ruler, a box cutter and two different sized bowls (for getting the circular shapes right). The parts that probably took the most time was tracing his name on and the actual painting. I also had my sister use chalk to draw muppet footprints leading up to the steps (and since she's eleven she had fun doing it). Now that the party is over we hung the sign on his door!

We used to fireplace to do most of the decorating. We didn't want to spend a lot of money, so we made a lot of the decorations. The character banner was a free printable I found which I taped to ribbon. I used a free online photo editor to make the Micah is 2 picture. The ones he probably most enjoyed were the cookie monster and elmo paper fans. We printed off the faces and glued them onto paper fans we purchased at walmart. To add more decorations we pretty much gathered every sesame street book and toy to use as decorations.

Cookie Monster face: http://teezeria.com/images/designs/395img_20.png

Elmo face: http://teezeria.com/images/designs/396img_24.png

Character Face banner: http://printablepartyshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/party-circles-characters-colorblocks-printablepartyshop.jpg

For this Elmo birthday banner I found a free printable download. I punched holes on each side of the pieces and used those to tie bows on them I also used the ribbon to connect all of the pieces. 

Elmo banner: http://halegrafx.com/printables/free-printable-elmo-sesame-street-birthday-banner/

We got his birthday cake from Dick's Marketplace, and honestly it's even better than I described to them. It's white cake with whipped frosting, and they used mini m&m's to put all around the sides and decorate the top. I love everything about it, and now the cars on top are some of Micah's favorite toys!

We used more toys to put on the table for decoration. We had a BBQ and served hot dogs, burgers, chips, guacamole, french onion soup dip, grapes and water. I found more printables to put on the water bottles and use as napkin rings. The napkin rings are actually more water bottle labels that I simply printed in a smaller size to use. We bought the napkins, plates and table cloth from Shopko. 

Water Bottle Labels: http://printablepartyshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/water-bottle-wrappers-2-characters-sesamestreet-printablepartyshop.jpg

Water bottle labels I used as napkin rings: http://halegrafx.com/printables/free-printable-elmo-sesame-street-water-bottle-labels/

Things that help me as a stay-at-home mom with depression

I've always loved being out of the house and being busy in my days. In fact, one of the quickest ways to know if I'm feeling severely depressed is usually I stay home and don't do a whole lot. Those are usually my darkest times. So it was a bit of a blow to me when Micah was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease and I realized it would be longer than I anticipated before I returned to school and work. 

It can be hard to keep afloat in the midst of depression as a stay-at-home mom. I've often felt overwhelmed and trapped staying home. Where I used to want to stay out until I absolutely had to be home, I find myself not having the energy to go out much even if I could. There are some things that have helped me mold my environment to my needs, however, and I thought I would share them. 

1. Make time to take care of yourself. This is advice you'll receive a lot, but it's important to actually take it to heart. As a mom I find myself putting myself on the bottom to the totem pole all the time. I've put my family above my own health frequently. A couple times that stand out to me have been times my son has been hospitalized. I went to the NICU every day for a month from 8 am until almost 9 at night. Since I had just given birth this was especially hard on my body and I became ill and worn out. Another time was when he was 4 months old and I slept every night at the hospital as well as spending the days there. I ended up very sick and having to go home one night, much to my displeasure. When I got back the nurses told me they had been very worried about me and could see I was pushing myself too hard. 

I should have realized that part of taking care of my family meant taking care of my emotional and physical well being. You simply can't be the mother and wife you want to be when you aren't at your best. Now I take a little bit of time every day for myself. Whether it be taking a long bath, working out, painting my nails or simply taking a little while to lay down and watch a show I do make sure to take it for myself. It's amazing how much it boosts my mood to even just get ready every day. 

2. Make a schedule. I've found that I thrive when I have structure. What this looks like in my life is having a schedule and to do lists. If I can see on paper what I need to get done in the day it really helps me to achieve it. It feels great to cross things off my list. Even more than that I enjoy having a schedule I can count on every day. I like to plan ahead, and if things are last minute or changed for some reason I am more prone to anxiety. 

This isn't to say you shouldn't be flexible. As a mom it's important to know that things don't always go as planned. A schedule just helps give me a little bit of security and to ensure I allow myself time to do things I enjoy as well as chores I need done. It also helps me be more motivated during the day and keep busy. Keeping busy is one way I keep myself from getting too stuck inside of my own head. 

3. Don't isolate yourself. I struggle with this one a lot. It's easy as a stay-at-home mom to keep to yourself. This only fuels the feelings of being trapped and lonely, though. Something that helps me is to try getting together with friends that I have similar interests with. Whether it's setting a play date for us and our kids, or going to the park with Micah and their dog it gets us out of the house and allows for socialization. It's currently one of my goals to try to meet more friends my age to get together with. Never stop trying to branch out and meet new people to enrich your life. 

4. Know that you are doing something incredibly important. Being a stay-at-home mom often makes me feel useless. I feel like I'm not contributing to our household, especially when I see bills. I feel badly using the money I feel I didn't earn. We need to remind ourselves that not only are we contributing to our family, we are building our homes and our children. We give our husbands a place to come home to and we have the opportunity to raise our children each and every day. We know the most about our kids and what is best for them. I have a deep respect for working mothers and how they juggle so many responsibilities, I often wish I was working, but it is also important to realize that we are contributing as well.

5. Know you are not alone in these feelings. In reading other blogs and joining in on mothering forums the biggest comfort I have received is the realization that I am not the only one feeling this way. There is no need to resent yourself for feeling this way, it's completely normal. Try joining a group for moms online, or even just talking to other moms you know. 

Pros and Cons

I have decided it's time to push myself more with the blogging I do. Mainly because I write sporadically with months of time in between. I suppose I just feel like I don't have anything to write that people would be interested in. That is why I found a list of blogging challenges that I'm going to do with topics for blogging!

So here we go... *deep breath*

Today's topic is: What I've gained - and lost - by taking a risk. 

When I read this the first thing that popped into my head was my recovery. When I was in treatment (for depression, self harm, eating disorders, ptsd, drug abuse, and anxiety) we were often encouraged to write pro's and con's lists for decisions we were making. So when I read what the topic was it reminded me a lot of that. For much of my stay in treatment I'm not sure I was in the right mind set to make the objective lists that they were asking for, but it is a habit that has stuck with me. 

What I've lost:

My body: In recovering from my eating disorders I've put on a lot of weight. There's no other way to say it, recovery meant gaining weight. I had ignored my body for so long that I had destroyed my metabolism and my body essentially doesn't trust me (as my nutritionist put it). I get very upset because my husband will tell me that I don't eat enough, and yet it's hard to think that's true when I look in the mirror and see somebody who is overweight. I've been working on losing the weight in healthy ways, but I have a very hard time recognizing what is a healthy way to lose weight and what is not. There have been times where I have gone a day without eating, or taking too many diet pills, and I have to stop and pull myself out of that mind set. The loss of the body I once had is probably the one I mourn the most. I think about it every day, sometimes for much of the day. I know that bottom line is that the anorexia ruined my body, not recovering... but it is a difficult thing to deal with. A jump from 110 pounds (my lowest) to 200 pounds (my highest during pregnancy) is not something many people with eating disorders is comfortable with...

Friends: When you've spent years participating in self destructive behaviors it usually works out that most of your friends are doing the same things. I found that after recovery many of my friends no longer seemed excited to be around me. When we would get together they seemed uncomfortable. And then, after a while, they stopped calling or texting completely. It felt like I had done something wrong, but in reality we just didn't have much in common anymore. I remember my best friend had given me my first razor. We would show each other our scars and talk about how good it felt. We talked about how suicide made sense, and even encouraged each other with our eating disorders. After I recovered I found out that the person who had felt like a sister to me, more like another part of me than anything else, was somebody I didn't know how to talk to anymore. I still miss her.

My identity: This sounds a bit dramatic, but feels true. After I recovered I had to basically find out who I am. For many years what defined me was black clothes, depression, sad music and drugs. It also didn't help that most of the day I was either counting calories, working out, or thinking about food. I was your basic emo. When I recovered I didn't know who I was anymore. Eventually I found songs that I now relate to, and hobbies I now enjoy. The way I am with people is probably very different as well. I used to be a lot louder.... kind of everywhere. Even though I have more confidence now I did use to act more sure of myself. Now I'm probably more careful. Not exactly timid.... but not as much... well, MUCH as I was. 

Coping skills: Although they were unhealthy, many of the things I was giving up were the only coping skills I knew. Whenever I felt sad or anxious those were the things that made me feel better. It took much longer than during treatment to make healthy coping skills a habit in my life. For a while I felt confused, or like a caged animal not knowing exactly what to do when I was feeling intense emotions. I knew options that I had been given, but none of them felt right so eventually after a lot of panic I would relapse into old habits. In recovery I have now found new and healthier ones.

What I've Gained

Friends: While I do have less friends than before, I have better friends now. I know these friends will support me in being healthy and happy. These are the friends that are loyal to me and care about me as a person. I'm okay with having less as long as I have them.

Peace: My mind no longer feels like it's at war with itself. I am more capable of handling the emotions I have.  

Health: Well, sort of. I do still have a few health problems left over from when I was being unhealthy. Many of them, though, have either gone away or gotten a bit better with time. 

My family: I know that if I was still doing the things I was then I wouldn't be able to be the wife and mother I am now. Or, possibly, at all. I know for certain I wouldn't be with the man I'm with now. And it makes it so incredibly worth it when I see my son excited to see me every morning. 

My Life: When I left treatment it was against the advice of the team that I go home. I was meant to go on to a bigger hospital, and they were very sure I was going to die. They told me they were sad because they couldn't see me succeeding without further help. It took a lot of hard work, and now they are all very happy that I proved them wrong. I'm alive, and more than that I'm actually LIVING now. 

My life isn't consumed with depressive thoughts and counting calories, it's filled with beautiful experiences. It's filled with my son's smile and my husband's hugs. It's filled with everyday simple things that make me so incredibly happy. I still struggle with things, my depression and eating disorders especially, but now they're in the background of my life instead of front and center. I'm able to keep those thoughts as background noise instead of the center of my life by practicing the things I learned in treatment. A lot of my healing really was time and waiting it out. Part of why recovery was so hard is because it called for a lot of inaction. When I wanted to purge or over exercise I needed to be in the moment and okay with being at peace. That was incredibly hard for me. It took over a year of feeling manic a lot of the time because I felt so lost at how to deal with emotions I was having. After a while of not doing those unhealthy things it became slightly easier to practice new and healthier coping skills. The things that felt unnatural are now second nature. It's hard every day when I feel like I physically NEED my old habits. Sometimes not doing those things feels like holding your breath for too long. Like I need them to live and be able to cope. With every passing year, though, it gets easier and easier to say no. I find new things and reasons in life to make recovery worth while. I got my life back through recovery, and I'm thankful to every person who helped and supported me along the way. 

*Picture of me during treatment*

*current picture of me*

The Last Month

The last month hasn't been an easy one. It started with the normal winter viruses, and for Micah turned much bigger. Our family all got a winter stomach bug around the beginning of December, nothing big and most of the people in our area got it. After a while of Micah having it, though, we began to get concerned. He would vomit up everything given to him and after a while he was refusing to eat. 

With Hirschsprung's Disease it isn't uncommon for a simple virus to effect if GI system, or for a virus to turn into enterocolitis. Even a cold could do this to him sometimes. We try to be very careful - even limiting how many people we see because even if somebody isn't sick they could be carrying something. His reactions to any given virus could range from normal, to slowing down his digestion and him having no appetite for a few days, or if we're unlucky it could turn into enterocolitis. A brief description of Hirschsprung's Associated Enterocolitis (from http://research.peds.wustl.edu/) is: "Enterocolitis is a potentially dangerous problem for children with Hirschsprung disease.  Symptoms may worsen over the course of hours and include "explosive", foul smelling or bloody diarrhea, abdominal distension, lethargy and fever.  If a rectal exam is performed there may also be an "explosive" release of gas or stool.  In some cases of enterocolitis, bacteria can enter the blood stream from the bowel to cause sepsis, a problem that can be fatal."

When we became more and more concerned that Micah wasn't recovering like he should have been we did end up taking him into the ER. When there several of the nurses were very concerned about him. By this time he was very lethargic and still throwing up. The doctors weren't overly concerned, though. They sent Micah home without running any tests and told us it was probably a virus. This happened a couple other times after that trip, so we decided to make an emergency appointment with the surgeons.

When we called the surgeons office at the hospital they were able to get him in, but his normal surgeon wasn't working and wouldn't be in for a few days. It was now two weeks after our first December ER visit and Micah hadn't been eating hardly anything. He had lost some weight, wasn't overly interested in playing, and more often than not he just wanted to be held. He did have periods of time were he would play and be happy, but not like he normally does. We were enthusiastic that the surgeons would be able to help us and that he would finally start feeling better. Shortly into our appointment we started to feel much less hopeful. It became clear that not only did the surgeon not usually work with babies and toddlers, but he knew very very little about Hirschsprung's Disease. We left unimpressed and ended up in the ER again later that week.

When we were finally able to see our surgeon in office Micah was laying in my lap, cheeks flushed, throwing up, lethargic and very very ill. We were desperate at this point because most of what had been done for him when we had been taking him in was rehydrating him and then sending him home. Our surgeon didn't even do a physical exam at that appointment, she hospitalized him immediately. After blood tests, x-rays, and many other tests it was confirmed he had enterocolitis and his Alkaline Phosphate level was at 1377.

That day they started Micah on a strong antibiotic and upped his rectal irrigations to 3x per day (we were already doing 2x per day at home, these help to wash bacteria out of his colon). They also put him on intestional rest, which means no eating or drinking. Because of this (and because he had eaten basically nothing at home the past 3 weeks. Yes it was 3 weeks by this point.) they put in a picc line and started him on TPN and lipids.

Micah was in the hospital for about a week, which was hard on us as a family. Even though it was draining to have him there, and to be there all day with him, we were VERY relieved that he was finally getting the treatment he needed to feel better. He started acting like himself a few days after arriving there, and I swear by the time we went home he had more energy than BEFORE he got sick!

Even now that we're home I'm still pretty angry about his lack of treatment. I feel like if he had been treated right away then he wouldn't have been in the hospital for a week, and even if he had been hospitalized it would have been for only a couple of days most likely. I don't know this for sure, but that's how I feel. I still love this hospital to death. They have been very good to us and given him a much better quality of life. I feel unlucky to have met so many that didn't know how to treat his disease, but treated him anyway. Things like this happen in every hospital, and now I know to be more assertive going forward.

At the moment, Micah is doing great! His digestion is still a bit slow but getting back to normal every day. He has an incredible amount of energy! It's great to see him getting back to himself. He has some follow up appointments which I'm sure will go good.

I guess it's just a reminder that with his disease it's a marathon, not a sprint. There won't be an immediate cure all, but hopefully with time he'll get better and better with much less risk of complications. Even this past year I've seen him do better than his first year. Hopefully this next year will be even better!

4 Years of Sobriety

"Strength doesn't come from what you CAN do, 

It comes from OVERCOMING things you 

once thought you couldn't."

On August 3, 2014 I celebrated my 4 years of sobriety! I've been reflecting a lot on my journey to get here, and thought that I would share some of it. 

I've written and rewritten this trying to figure out exactly how much of my story I'm ready to share with the world and realized 4 years later I'm not ready for everybody to know the details of the darkest time of my life. There are some things that I can share, though.

In the beginning I thought that Adderall would make me smarter, thinner, and better in every way. And, for a while, it did. I got good grades and I lost weight. I even made more friends than I had before starting. It didn't take long, however, for me to lose everything. I developed an eating disorder, I started self-harming, and I went into a deep depression. I got angry and frustrated with school and stopped going to most of my classes. I sunk into a depression so deep that I didn't want to live anymore. I attempted suicide several times, and have been told by doctors I really shouldn't be here anymore. I was obsessed with the idea of being the best, but it's hard to accomplish things when you aren't able to think straight. 

Nobody knew about my drug use, but it's hard to hide an eating disorder and how depressed I was so I ended up being put into a treatment center. I had a real prescription for adderall, so for about a month I was able to get my prescribed amount while there. However, fearing that it may be feeding my eating disorder they ended up taking me off of it. So for a long time I would sneak it in, getting sober enough to pass tests after home visits. Instead of working on my problems as much as I should have been it became mostly about how I could hide it. I wasn't getting necessarily getting 'high' while in treatment, but felt I couldn't getting completely sober. I would maintain myself on drugs and work on my other problems. 

I was let out of treatment after about 9 months and put into a girls home because my treatment team didn't feel like I could succeed at home. I was seeing the same therapist and saw her about once a week.     

   

However, without a prescription for adderall it was becoming hard to maintain and I had already decided to start using again. I started doing heavier drugs during this time, and was only able to stay out of treatment for two months. I got put back in on Christmas Eve. I had started self-harming again and not eating. This time when I went back in, though, I admitted to using drugs. I finally started working on what was the missing piece in my treatment. I got out of treatment shortly before my 18th birthday, and went home this time against the wishes of my doctors. They were pushing for me to go into the state hospital for further treatment, but I was able to convince my family that I would do fine at home.
Recovery at home wasn't easy. I started seeing a terrible therapist who didn't believe in eating disorders and told me I needed to pray more. I felt like I would die without drugs. Every day was a struggle to even get out of bed and function. Some days I wasn't able to get out of bed at all. I felt like I would die without it, but knew the depression from before. I knew the misery and loneliness I felt while using and felt that I would rather die than use. That is not to say that I didn't relapse at all. Recovery wasn't just a point in my life where it was clear and I just did it. I relapsed several times after treatment. Every time I knew I could die, but it was the only way of life that I knew. Drugs, my eating disorder, and self harm was all I knew for handling emotions. It takes a while to grow out of that. 

All I can say now is that it has been worth it in every single way to get sober. Overcoming these things was the hardest thing I have every had to do. Some days I still think about them, and it is still a struggle. I owe it to myself and my family to stay sober. I started dating my now husband when I was a year sober, and he has been with me through these struggles. It hasn't been easy for either of us, and I am thankful every day for the things he has helped me with. We have the most amazing little boy, and looking into his face I know I owe it to him to give him a mom who is there in every way for him. I can't do that when caught up in illness. Love for my family has finally pulled me completely away from this lifestyle. I'm a bigger weight than I want to be and instead of doing the things I thought I would be for now I am a stay at home mom, but the funny thing about it is that I'm happier than ever. Recovery didn't look like what I thought it would, but it's beautiful and worth it. 

I know this blog post is kind of chunky and parts don't flow well, it was hard to put into words my memories in a way I was comfortable with. I knew I wanted to share, just not exactly how or what I would share. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

A Good Year

"You are BRAVER than you believe and STRONGER than you seem..." - Winnie The Pooh

  It's been about a year since Micah's surgery. There have been highs and there have been lows, but all in all things are so much better. Micah healed like a champion, and he grew like a weed! I remember last year, when Hirschsprung's Disease was such a huge part of our lives. I never thought that there would be a day that it wouldn't be the biggest part of every day, and yet here we are. So much has changed, and so much is better. 

Micah's Health Now:

If I could see Micah today while I was anticipating his surgery I wouldn't be nearly as worried about things. Last year I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was told that this surgery would not 'cure' his Hirschsprung's, and doctors even warned that the cons may outweigh the pros in the end. We were told that the surgery may cause more problems than it solved, and even that it could all be for nothing and that we could end up back here when Micah was an older child or teenager to have them give him a colostomy again. It's pretty hard to move ahead with a surgery and feel optimistic about it after hearing those things, but after the surgeons would give us these warnings and crush any optimism we had for the surgery they would always suggest we move ahead with it anyway. I'm happy that our surgeon has always been very honest with us and given us these warnings, and I know we can't really know for sure what his life will be like in the future because at the moment he is still in diapers. We can't know if leaking will effect his life so much that it wont be worth not having an ostomy. What we do know is that, for now, we consider the surgery a success. We are able to take Micah places without the fear we used to have that his bag would leak everywhere and we would have to run home, or even worse - try to attempt an ostomy change in public. We are able to take Micah to the store, to church, and even on play dates! It feels like a miracle that I can just walk out the door with him and take him places without being a nervous wreck! We no longer have to hold him down while he screams in pain to change his ostomy, we don't have to stress and fighting ostomy changes would bring, and best of all Micah started growing and developing his skills SO much faster than he had while he had an ostomy. He refused to do tummy time with a stoma, yet after healing from his surgery being on his stomach became his favorite position. Which made him stronger, and while he was a little behind on things like sitting up, crawling and walking he eventually got stronger and stronger and accomplished them all! Now Micah runs! There are digestive struggles, and now at 17 months he eats an assortment of some solids, formula, and purees. He does struggle with dumping, but that would be a problem with a colostomy as well. He is signed up to start a bowel management program in September, and hopefully they will be able to help us understand his digestion better than we do at the moment. 

Micah also still struggles with his heart problems, but since they upped his dose to significant amounts of his medication a couple months ago he hasn't had as many problems. We are still hoping that he will outgrow these problems, but the cardiologist says that the chances are fairly slim now and he will likely need the surgery. They are hoping to wait as long as possible now that he is responding to the medications better. It will be much safer to do the surgery when he is a bit older and weighs quite a bit more. 

And now, because Micah is so much more than his health problems....

Who Micah Is Now:

Micah is 17 months old, and runs almost everywhere. He has a lot of days where he is very cautious and is only happy sitting on my lap getting cuddles, but he is also coming out of his shell more. He has days where he runs all day long and is VERY vocal. I try to get him around other toddlers his age, and because I serve in nursery on Sundays at church he comes with me. I've noticed it help him a lot to be around other toddlers. He still doesn't like it if I go too far out of his sight, but now instead of crying and being terrified he will simply follow me most times. This makes cooking dinner a lot easier. He babbles a lot and can now say: Mama, Dada, Nana (my mom), yea, see, hi, no, up, Daisy, duck, and numnum. He blows kisses and pretends to talk on the phone all of the time. He recently started dancing, he loves when people clap and will clap along. His favorite book is 'Snuggle Puppy'. He is a complete Grandad's boy, and even had a sleepover with Grandad and Nana while Urian and I had an anniversary weekend. He has had two haircuts and is now due for his third. He loves all animals. In June we took our first vacation with him. He acts a lot like mommy and looks a lot like daddy. He is perfect. 

In short, none of his diagnosis has really held him back. He is  Mommy's Superhero!

Nanna And Baby

"A garden of love grows in a Grandmother's heart"

It has been so amazing and touching to see my mom with my son. Other than my husband and I, she was probably the one most effected by his diagnosis. She is certainly the one who understands what he is going through the best. 

My mom has a disease fairly similar to Micah, except that hers has no surgery to take it away, and effects her in many more serious ways. She has two stomas and it literally broke her heart to hear Micah would have to have one, even though his was not permanent. Every time he has been in pain she cries with him and is the first to ask me if everything is okay. She has so much love for this little boy, she says that she loves him like he is her own. Always saying that the love is no different. 

It's been a blessing to be able to be so close to them while going through this. My dad and her have taught me much more about caring for Micah, especially when he had his colostomy, than the doctors and nurses ever did. They always had tips and tricks that they would show us to make some part of it easier. Their knowledge comes from years of having to figure out an illness that not even the doctors know much about. I respect them so much more now, having had Micah, than I ever could have. Part of having Micah and his complications was being able to understand on a whole new level and appreciate the raw, beautiful love that they have for each other. It's been understanding a little bit more everything that my mom went through trying to parent while having this disease, and how she gave us more than I could have asked for. Micah, even with every other blessing aside, was a lesson and a blessing that I needed. This understanding is a gift, and I love my parents so much more now that I understand. 

There's no way I could have actually understood as much as I do now without having had Micah. It's like things HAD to have turned out this way. 

I'm lucky things turned out this way. I love you Micah, and I love you Mom. Thank you so so much for adopting me and giving me a life that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I've told you a million times since Micah's birth that Micah was meant to be my child, and since he was meant to be mine I had to be yours - otherwise I wouldn't have the strength and knowledge that being raised by you with your illness has given me. Otherwise I would have melted down when I saw him with a colostomy. Otherwise having him would have been harder. 

Thank you Mom, thank you Dad, and thank you Micah. I'm blessed to have you all exactly the way you are.