Lets Start This Over

So as many of you know, my weight loss journey has been all sorts of up and down. I've struggled with this ever since recovering from eating disorder behavior when I was 19. As my doctors have explained to me, my body no longer 'trusts' me and now holds on to the fat and calories. When this was first explained to me I was very bitter and my response was basically 'Well, that's okay because I don't like or trust my body either.' Now, however, I'm a lot more at peace with it. And while it simply is what it is, that doesn't mean I have to be overweight. All this means is that I need to work harder to maintain a healthy weight! If I was willing to work so hard at skipping meals and being underweight I now owe it to myself and my body to work just as hard at being healthy.

So about a year and a half ago I started working out and being more aware of what I was eating. It worked and at this time last year I was down 60 pounds and almost at the weight my doctor had suggested. I was thrilled! I had more energy and started to enjoy life more. Losing weight for me will always include walking a very thin line, though. I slowly started eating less again and working out for an average of three hours a day. I was slipping back into unhealthy behaviors and knew that if I didn't take a step back from losing weight I would have a full blown relapse on my hands. Being a mom, especially a mom to a high needs toddler who struggles with health, I simply can't afford to relapse. My family can't afford for me to relapse.

So here I am 6 months after taking a break and I'm back to where I started. My self esteem has gotten to the point where I simply avoid looking in the mirror anymore. I feel sluggish and unable to enjoy the things I love. It's time to start again and work at being healthy. This isn't about a number for me, it can't be or else I'll start with the unhealthy behavior again. This needs to simply be about health and feeling good!

The plan is this:

1. I'm not going to keep a food journal. I tie too many emotions into food, if I obsess too much on calories and what food I eat then I will fail. I am going to eat as much healthy food as I want while limiting the unhealthy foods.

2. I am going to work out for up to an hour every day, but no more than that. Ideally splitting the workout into two 30 minute workouts daily. I will listen to my body while working out. I will push myself to do better in workouts, but not push myself past what is good for my body. While workouts can be up to an hour, they can be less if needed.

3. My main priority is not this journey. Last time I tried this my house was messy and I didn't spend as much time as I want to with Micah. I need to be able to do this while putting my family first, it can NOT become my main obsession or the only thing I think about all day. It just isn't healthy.

4. I will love myself. I will not get mad at myself if I indulge in a food I enjoy. I will look begin looking in the mirror again and look for things I like about myself. I will remember the reason I am doing this is to be the best me - the best wife and mother - I can be. I will treat myself with the kindness I deserve.

So lets get to this!!!